Specialty Areas

• Anxiety
• Depression
• Trauma and Abuse
• Relationship Problems
• Couples Counseling

Addictive and Compulsive Behaviors

Addictive and compulsive behaviors (such as alcohol and drug abuse, bulimia, binge eating, compulsive shopping, pornography addiction, relationship addiction, etc.) often go hand-in-hand with trauma, anxiety, depression, and relationship problems. Trauma is often a hidden underlying source of addictive and compulsive behaviors. In fact, it is estimated that approximately one-third of those who suffer from the after-effects of trauma turn to alcohol or drug use for relief.

Addictive and compulsive behaviors are often used as a coping mechanism. If your life feels out of control due to experiencing intense and uncomfortable emotions (e.g., sadness, hurt, grief, shame, anxiety) or you struggle to handle your stress, then it's understandable that you would want to comfort yourself in some way. If you never learned healthy coping skills, such as how to self-soothe, how to tolerate and regulate your emotions, or how to calm yourself, then it actually makes a lot of sense as to why you may have over-relied on an external substance (e.g., alcohol, drugs, food, sex, etc.) to calm yourself and make yourself feel better.

In my work with addictive and compulsive behaviors, I focus on developing healthy, internal coping skills (e.g., relaxation training, deep breathing, calming self-talk, establishing a healthy relationship with emotions, getting comfortable with body sensations, and mindfulness of uncomfortable thoughts). I also focus on the underlying painful feelings (e.g., anxiety, depression, hurt, sadness, anger) and emotional traumas (e.g., past abuse, loss of a loved one, a relationship breakup) that often act as intense triggers for addictive and compulsive behaviors.

One counseling technique that is very useful for working with trauma is EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. EMDR is a very effective therapy approach used to overcome the emotionally painful effects of trauma and abuse, as well as a wide range of other emotional conditions. In fact, there is an EMDR protocol that can be used to specifically address addictive and compulsive behaviors.

Attachment wounds are another possible trigger to addictive and compulsive behaviors. Attachment wounds are a certain type of trauma that occurs when parents (or caregivers) fail to adequately meet your needs. Examples include neglect, rejection, invalidation, and lack of emotional support. Or, when certain important things were absent in your childhood, such as love, understanding, nurture, protection, and connection. When these wounds are activated in the present - such as when you feel abandoned, neglected, or criticized - they can trigger addictive and compulsive behaviors. Another counseling technique I use, called the DNMS (Developmental Needs meeting Strategy) specifically addresses attachment wounds.

Other areas of focus with addictive and compulsive behaviors include:

• Developing self-care skills
• Learning to set healthy boundaries
• Relapse prevention planning
• Developing strategies to deal with cravings and urges
• Learning to have fun, naturally
• Addressing negative thinking and negative beliefs
• Establishing community support
• Cultivating spiritual connection

Another type of dependency issue that I work with is codependency - sometimes called "relationship addiction." With codependency, a person becomes fixated on another person - desiring that person's approval, attention, validation, and love. This leads to emphasizing the needs and feelings of another person over your own well-being. In this work, I focus on helping you to develop a healthy sense of individuality and independence, coupled with a capacity for intimacy.

While addictive and compulsive behaviors are typically seen in a very negative light, I see them as an attempt to feel better. Unfortunately, this strategy creates a lot of negative consequences in life and can feel very degrading. By addressing the painful triggers to addictive and compulsive behaviors, healing trauma, developing coping skills, and learning to self-care, you can enjoy life, free of the behaviors that plague you.

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